WASHINGTON – One million US federal employees will stay at home today and possibly longer after Congress announced government closure in the wake of an ongoing nationwide political blizzard…
World
Local man excited the whole thing in Syria is over
MILTON – After weeks of worrying, Timothy Pond was relieved to hear the whole situation in Syria had been solved. Pond, a 46-year-old construction worker from Milton, believes the chemical disarm…
Political science major knows he could have handled Kenyan hostage crisis better
VANCOUVER – A third year political science student at the University of British Columbia is certain that the recent terrorist attack at a mall in Nairobi would have been resolved faster and…
Nintendo president runs out of lives but sets new high score
KYOTO – After a thrilling eighty five levels that saw him collect 2.1 billion gold coins, former Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi has run out of lives and been sent back to the main menu…
Architects misplace new invisible building
SEOUL – Architects in South Korea have lost their new invisible building – the Tower Infinity – after it was last seen semi-constructed near Incheon airport outside of Seoul. &…
Chinese children celebrate Labour Day with record productivity
BEIJING – China is celebrating the announcement that its youths set a world record for productivity on Labour Day this year. Thirteen-year-old Lin Shenlun, stood proud in front of three tho…
UN condemns the use of child soldiers at Laser Quest
NEW YORK – In a move to further eliminate child soldiers, the UN has strongly denounced the use of children in laser tag warfare. General Assembly Resolution 2124 – which passed 183 t…
Putin blames Monsanto for chemical attacks
NEW YORK – Russian military intelligence has discovered that the genetic and agricultural giant Monsanto has been engaging in chemical warfare within Syria. Putin announced this discovery after r…
Western countries to rescue Syrians from chemical weapons by bombing them with normal weapons
WASHINGTON DC – Following another chemical weapons attack in the region, Western countries have intervened on behalf of Syria’s civilian population to ensure that the bombings there return …
Malia Obama catches father intercepting her text messages
WASHINGTON, DC – Tempers flared at the White House Monday night when Malia Obama discovered her father had been reading her text messages. The fourteen year-old first daughter was outraged …
