With Democrats reeling from the magnitude of Donald Trump’s victory, analysts and party insiders are coming out with plans for how the party can recover in time for the 2026 midterms and th…
U.S.
Experts warn Trump dangerously close to figuring out where Canada is
OTTAWA – As the re-election of Donald Trump sends shockwaves throughout geopolitics, experts within Ottawa’s Department of National Defence warn that the temperamental US president ma…
“Democrats better get their shit together before the 2028 election,” says adorable friend who thinks there’s going to be a 2028 election
Kincardine, ON – Local man Allan Terry has expressed his belief that the Democrats need to improve their messaging and policy efforts if they want to win the next Presidential election, cha…
Trudeau suggests now might actually be a great time to retire
OTTAWA – Following the re-election of US President Donald J. Trump, Canadian PM Justin Trudeau immediately suggested that now might be a great time to step down as Liberal party leader and …
American Experiment ends in catastrophic laboratory explosion
WASHINGTON D.C. – After almost 250 years of data-gathering, the American experiment has ended in a catastrophic laboratory explosion. “I don’t understand what went wrong!” sighed the facili…
World holds its breath as North Carolina elects new agriculture commissioner
RALEIGH – Hundreds of millions of onlookers worldwide have turned their eyes to North Carolina, where international journalists have been embedded for weeks to report on every twist and turn of t…
Canada turns off all lights in hopes US will think we’re not home
OTTAWA – With Americans voting today to determine the next President of the United States, every single Canadian has announced plans to keep their lights shut off in hopes that they will no…
Trudeau leaves fifth unanswered voicemail offering to endorse Kamala Harris
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reportedly left his fifth as of yet unanswered voicemail offering to “throw his weight” behind the presidential campaign of US Democra…
Trump campaign desperately hoping Democrats replace Biden with a different frail 81-year-old
WASHINGTON DC – With Joe Biden announcing his plans to drop out of the US presidential race, Donald Trump’s campaign has publicly asked the Democrats to nominate a similarly ineffectu…
UNPRECEDENTED: Aging boomer retires to free up job for someone younger
WASHINGTON DC — In a move that has shocked employees around the world, Joe Biden announced today that he would be stepping out of the presidential race, making it the first time in recorded histo…
