HAMILTON, ON — With Premier Doug Ford ordering Ontario LCBOs to stop selling US alcohol due to President Trump’s tariffs, accountant Marianne Thompson has expressed frustration that she won’…
U.S.
Americans choose most expensive way possible to discover what goods made in Canada
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With US President Donald Trump declaring 25% tariffs on most Canadian goods, American citizens have officially chosen the most circuitous and economically painful method …
US tariffs prompt Canadians to stock up on smuggled handguns
WINDSOR, ON – With president Donald Trump threatening to impose blanket 25% tariffs on all goods crossing into the United States, Canadian citizens are hurrying to stockpile illegal America…
Billionaire known for stealing people’s ideas debuts totally new, original salute
WASHINGTON D. C. – Attention seeking billionaire and human husk, Elon Musk, known for co-opting other people’s ideas and profiting from them, came out at President Trump’s inauguration to debut a…
Danielle Smith applies for refugee status in USA
COUTTS, AB – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has arrived on foot at the Coutts-Sweet Grass border crossing station, petitioning for refugee status in the US on the grounds of being persecute…
Trump unable to pursue military invasion of Canada due to bone spurs
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Speaking from his private resort President-Elect Trump explained that, despite his rhetoric, he won’t be able to make good on his threats to annex Canada because of his bone spur…
Trump threatens to tariff California wildfires unless they immediately extinguish themselves
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President Elect Trump spoke from his resort to demand that the wildfires destroying large portions of Los Angeles stop immediately or else he will impose various trade sanctions …
Time Magazine strains definition of “Person”
NEW YORK CITY – Times Magazine has announced that Donald Trump has been named in their latest issue as their Person of the year, stretching the definition of “person” to its absolute limit. “He w…
Puerto Ricans pissed Canada could become U.S. state before them
SAN JUAN, PR – In the wake of Donald Trump unveiling plans to make Canada the 51st U.S. state, Puerto Ricans who have been trying to attain proper electoral representation expressed their frustra…
Trump encouraging NATO members to increase military spending by making the US a viable target
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump has unveiled a key component of his plan to make other member nations of NATO invest more in defense; turning America into a viable intern…
