TORONTO – With two capybaras having escaped from the High Park Zoo earlier this week, administrators are hoping that zoo visitors don’t notice that the animals have been temporarily r…
Toronto
Toronto man continues streak of totally meaning to have gone to Hot Docs
TORONTO – Self-dubbed film fanatic Calvin Rows has kept alive his now four-year streak of intending to have gone to the Hot Docs Festival. Rows ensured the streak’s continuation by spending…
Attorney General promises to release SIU report on Loku shooting as soon as cops finish rewriting it
TORONTO – Ontario attorney general Madeline Meilleur, who earlier this week told reporters she would not release the secret report explaining why Ontario’s police watchdog cleared a Toronto polic…
Woman getting off at Museum Station probably works at the museum
TORONTO – A mysterious woman set off a firestorm of speculation yesterday when she exited the subway train at an unconventional stop, Museum Station*. “I thought she must’ve missed her transfer o…
Local couple buys last affordable piece of non-haunted Toronto real estate
TORONTO – A local couple has purchased Toronto’s last piece of real estate that could reasonably be maintained by an average-income family, that is also free of tormented spirits. “We…
Mississauga woman wins largest ever Lotto 649 jackpot, can finally move to Toronto
MISSISSAUGA — A Mississauga woman has won a $64,000,000 lottery jackpot, finally affording her the financial freedom to actually purchase property in Toronto. The winner couldn’t believe he…
TTC introduces surcharge on 6 am to 11 pm rush period
TORONTO – In order to meet its budgetary demands, the Toronto Transit Commission announced that it will be increasing its fares starting next week, but only for the rush 17-hours that last …
City of Toronto allows bed bugs on TTC as part of plan to make Toronto New York
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory conceded yesterday that city workers had planted bedbugs on the 501 Queen Streetcar in an effort to bring a little more New York City grit to the Six. “There’s a feeling…
Toronto looking to take relationship with Drake to next level
TORONTO – Things appeared to be getting serious between chart-topping musician Aubrey Drake Graham and Toronto this Friday after Mayor John Tory announced that he would be providing Drake with a …
Buddy cops acquitted in shooting of teen
TORONTO – Several months after shooting a teenage person of colour over three hundred times, a buttoned-down desk jockey and a maverick, ladies-man beat cop have been acquitted, and, more i…
