TORONTO – After the Leafs’ loss in game 7 overtime, local man Tate Rae has told family and friends that he needs time to come to terms with the life-shattering event. “It just doesn’t seem …
Sports
Maple Leafs on brink of first round playoff elimination
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs, currently 3rd in the North East Division, are looking to clinch a first round playoff elimination position tonight. Thanks to their success in the regular…
3 innings into opening night, city of Toronto remembers how boring baseball is
TORONTO – After a frenzied offseason that featured huge trades, marquee free agent signings, and an excitement in the Blue Jays not seen since their back to back World Series championships,…
Crosby has head surgically removed in order to play out rest of playoffs
PITTSBURGH, PA – Following his recent concussion Penguins captain and NHL leading scorer Sidney Crosby underwent a new elective surgery this morning to separate his head from his body in an…
Oscar Pistorius historically overcomes all physical and moral limitations
JOHANNESBURG – Only months removed from shattering the world’s perception of physically handicapped athletes and their abilities at the London 2012 Olympic Games, Oscar Pistorius, aka The B…
CBC accidentally rehires spiffily dressed homeless man instead of Don Cherry
TORONTO – In a recent CBC gaffe, Hockey Night in Canada has mistakenly rehired a colourfully dressed homeless person instead of legendary hockey commentator Don Cherry. The homeless man, who iden…
Lance Armstrong apologizes to cancer for tarnishing image
AUSTIN, TX – Disgraced cycling icon Lance Armstrong apologized today to cancer, the broad group of diseases involving unregulated cell growth that affects tens of millions of people around …
