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National
National
Local
Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Health Canada suggests limiting alcohol to 2 drinks per day unless you’ve already had 3 in which case fuck it
CBC fulfills mandate to produce distinctly Canadian wage gap
Provincial boundaries renamed ‘Canada-US border’ to make it easier for Canadians to transport liquor
Leather-clad Alberta Marauders threaten to storm BC unless they approve pipeline within 24 hours
Idiot loser arrives at event on time
New employee has audacity to begin email with “hey man”
Ice storm saves conversation with local dad
Man who wasn’t going to leave the house anyway complains about weather
York claims offer to pay half their water bill is “the best in the province”
Toronto Zoo sending giant pandas to Calgary to make space for one colossal panda
Norm Kelly releases clothing line inspired by his abhorrent voting record
Toronto Police demand to know why LGBTQ community not investigating, solving more homicides
Montreal police mark St. Patrick’s Day with green-coloured tear gas
TVA claims Montreal mosque asked construction workers to use Halal jackhammers
SQ shocked that they aren’t the worst police force in Quebec
Whiteout conditions experienced in Montreal mayor’s cabinet
Canucks fans bid goodbye to Sedin twins with farewell riot
Vancouver attempts to lower housing prices with series of neighbourhood dejuvenation projects
Vancouver landlord seeks tenants for room that doubles as arts space/film set/weed dispensary
Vancouver Aquarium and whales agree to hostage exchange
Dawson City River fountain deemed a success
Whitehorse grandfather from 2075 regales grandchildren about surviving with only 2 Starbucks locations
Permanent road to Arctic Ocean means endangered species can hitchhike away from climate change
Whitehorse RCMP riot squad deployed to Save-On-Foods opening to quell artisanal bread-related violence
Ryerson bed bug the first in its family to attend university
Recently tenured prof glad he doesn’t have to close door when he shits anymore
Online university hosts online homecoming for alumni
College student concerned strike will affect his opportunity to become a temporary, part-time employee like his professors
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Canadian tourist in London unsure if street hawker is selling authentic Royal Babies
Tourists devastated by senseless photobombing
Trump eager to turn away Syrian refugees he’s currently creating
National Pride: Tim Hortons cup represents Canada in Great Pacific garbage patch
Air Marshal hoping this is the flight he’ll finally get to shoot someone
Detroit man who shot at unarmed black teen charged with impersonating a police officer
Mean-spirited teenagers bully poor, defenceless NRA
March For Our Lives gun control rally sets Guinness record for ‘most unarmed Americans in one location’
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
September 28, 1972: Paul Henderson’s goal causes World War III
Sports
Sports
More Jets fans taking out second mortgages to pay off single can of beer purchased at Bell MTS Place
Leafs excited for playoffs to start
Young, hotshot Curling prospect turns 45
Quiz: Are you one of the 96 ordinary citizens worthy of Leafs playoff tickets?
Business
Business
Canadians excited to buy Second Cup marijuana if there’s no Starbucks nearby
Heartwarming! This family run company is keeping nepotism alive
Pizza Pizza introduces new 16” creamy garlic dip
Apple upgrade: Covering webcam now makes computer’s privacy-invading senses stronger
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
Comics
We wanted to do a list of the top 10 Canadian films of all time, but didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings so here are all of them
Oddly hostile entrepreneur pitches Dragons’ Den his business idea for paying off politicians’ campaign debts
Local liberal arts campus closed for deconstruction
Grindr defends practice of messaging user’s father every time they call someone ‘daddy’
Local woman pushing to meet work/life balance targets by Q2
Popular girl you thought would peak in high school reportedly still killin’ it
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Man ghosts woman after 45 years of marriage
5 indoor exercises that aren’t masturbating
Ginger Ale still number one recommended soda for your sore tum tum
Years later man still haunted by memory of saying “Hi” to total stranger he thought was Jeff
Health Canada tightens food safety regulations by changing 5 second rule to 3 seconds
I made soup in my crockpot, and you’re damn well going to hear about it
Believe me, the feeling is mutual
Removing toxic mold from the workplace is PC culture run amok
Dear Elon Musk: We’ll happily compromise our integrity in exchange for your money
Local family celebrates daughter’s first training bra with ceremonial distancing of father
Parents lining up to place children on lap of strange man wearing disguise
Help! I don’t know I’m a terrible parent!
Children to remember local father as constantly tired
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
Bob the Angry Flower: Press This
Bob the Angry Flower: Revolt
Bob the Angry Flower: Rhetorical
Bob the Angry Flower: Bank Job
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll
If you click on this Spice Girls quiz, we promise we’ll tell you which options will get you Posh Spice
Paying it back: When this paramedic saves someone’s life, he visits them months later to collect on his life-debt
5 flirty spring looks that are just winter parkas
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
If you click on this Spice Girls quiz, we promise we’ll tell you which options will get you Posh Spice
QUIZ: Okay! Which one of you assholes got me sick?
QUIZ: are you a regular lady with a cold sore, or an 18th century harlot dying of the French Pox?
Quiz: Are you at a Swiss Chalet or an actual Swiss chalet?
These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll
5 flirty spring looks that are just winter parkas
6 quaint dinners to watch your neighbours have from your lonely, dark apartment
Top 7 travel destinations to get diarrhea
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
Video
Videos
Full Episodes
Realistic pharmaceutical commercial
Parliament Security ask NDP leader Jagmeet Singh to stop putting reserved signs on chairs in the public gallery
Conservatives find a new use for the barbaric practice of conversion therapy: converting gay men to conservative party voters.
New Brunswick Tourism Ad
Watch: Season 2, Episode 13
Watch: Season 2, Episode 12
Podcast
The Beaverton Weekly Report
Brave Senator who endorsed, voted for Trump praised for running away from situation he created as fast as possible
Liberals announce plan to just let every Canadian choose their own tax rate
After interviewing Jagmeet about Air India CBC promises to question Catholic Andrew Scheer about the IRA
To avoid politicizing tragedy, Republicans suggest debating gun control once America goes a week without a gun death
The Book
Walking Tours
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