Anywhere but Washington, D.C. – American Vice President Kamala Harris has received criticism for spending too much time on side quests rather than dealing with finishing the main story. “It…
Marjorie Taylor Greene cuts ties with Dre after being told he’s a doctor
Washington, D.C. – US House member Marjorie Taylor Greene has cut professional ties with hip hop artist Dr. Dre after discovering through various sources that he is a doctor. “I don’t work …
New Netflix stand-up special just hour long black and white footage of comedian walking to venue
NEW YORK CITY – Netflix has unveiled its newest stand-up special from veteran comedian Farlow Burgley, a 2-hour long single shot of the comedian walking from a small apartment he doesn’t li…
Breaking: This person has practiced for more than 10,000 hours and still sucks
TORONTO – Tim Ponsly, a local drummer who recently hit the 10,000 hours of practice needed to be regarded by many professionals as a master of his craft, still sucks. “Very few have reache…
Editorial: Where are all the White Fridays?
By: Jordan Peterson Imagine if you will, a sale of sorts, in which the hierarchical notion of sovereignty and power is given directly back to the consumer. This individual person of power, which …
Woman sets vibrator to “Elon Musk Getting Destroyed On Twitter” setting
Bedroom, Ontario – While blowing off some steam after a long day at work, Michelle Trudy opened the small pouch next to her bed and turned her vibrator to her favourite setting, “Elon Musk …
Report: Melancholic Mario just really doesn’t feel like partying today
Mushroom Kingdom, Arkansas – As Luigi, Peach, and Donkey Kong get ready for another rousing game of Mario Party, Mario has refused to jump into the warp pipe leading to Koopa Troopa Creek. …
Guy who’s about to puke really selling this “not gonna to puke” thing
London, Ontario – Western University student Kyle Layton gave the performance of his life at a kegger near his dormitory last night convincing the other party goers he was not going to puke…
Nine percent rise in gas prices forces CEO to triple own salary
Irving, Texas – CEOs from oil and gas companies are suffering just like the rest of us, so much so that in light of rising inflation and “other stuff,” they’ve been forced to triple their y…
New Grand Theft Auto game allows players to make website that rates women, destabilizes democracy for profit
NEW YORK – Rockstar Games has announced their next instalment of the successful Grand Theft Auto video game series will allow players to create a website that rates the attractiveness of wo…