Ottawa, Ontario – Self-proclaimed political centrist DougieLove4514 recently admitted he couldn’t even pronounce Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre’s name. “I wouldn’t say I belong …
Danielle Smith claims wildfires would never have happened if trees refused to get vaccinated
CALGARY – Danielle Smith and her administration are currently under fire for a comment she made during a press conference where she explained the trees currently being burned would have not…
Walmart CEO claims stealing is really bad, unless it’s wages from your employees
Portland, Oregon – Walmart CEO Doug McMillon recently stated the rise in thefts from Walmart stores is very bad, unlike the hundreds of million dollars Walmart stole from its own employees.…
Loblaws CEO blames record breaking profits on newfound popularity of food
Toronto, ON – Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. has recently explained to politicians on Parliament Hill that his record-breaking profits during difficult economic times are only due to Canadian…
Local dryer really making a meal out of this “Your laundry is done” jingle
Basement, Toronto – Your new Maytag washing machine has spent the last 2 minutes playing a longer than necessary tune to alert you that the laundry is done. “It really could have just been…
Local son happily purchases board game that will unwittingly cause parent’s divorce
Bucks Game Emporium, Ontario – Daniel Martow is pretty jazzed about the board game he just purchased that will, unbeknownst to him, lead to his parent’s divorce in one year. “I haven’t seen…
Report: Austin Butler spent years stealing music from black artists to prepare for “Elvis” role
LOS ANGELES – Method actor Austin Butler shared the lengths he went to in order to get into character of the legendary singer Elvis Presley by appropriating Black culture for profit for sev…
Kamala Harris criticized for spending too much time on side quests
Anywhere but Washington, D.C. – American Vice President Kamala Harris has received criticism for spending too much time on side quests rather than dealing with finishing the main story. “It…
Marjorie Taylor Greene cuts ties with Dre after being told he’s a doctor
Washington, D.C. – US House member Marjorie Taylor Greene has cut professional ties with hip hop artist Dr. Dre after discovering through various sources that he is a doctor. “I don’t work …
New Netflix stand-up special just hour long black and white footage of comedian walking to venue
NEW YORK CITY – Netflix has unveiled its newest stand-up special from veteran comedian Farlow Burgley, a 2-hour long single shot of the comedian walking from a small apartment he doesn’t li…