SAN FRANCISCO – Powerful tech CEOs the world over are begging consumers to stop resisting the low-quality AI advancements they are making and digest all of their content without questioning anything.
“Just because the product is bad doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use it,” whined Mark Zuckerberg on a recent Joe Rogan interview. “It will be so successful if everyone just mindlessly buys it. I put so much money into it, therefore, you buy it. That’s how you pig…customers work.”
“What makes all you little pigs so wary of us,” asked Google CEO Sundar Pichai while students booed his poorly written AI speech. “We simply want to install massive data centers that poison your water, remove jobs for profit, and in return create a terrible product that makes the world worse. Why are you so mad?”
One move tech CEOs have attempted in order to make consumers less concerned is renaming their software, ‘slopware’, a reimagining of new advancements that, “reminds the little piggies that this is to be eaten without thinking to fatten them up.” Other names that tech executives have considered trying are leftoverware, troughware, and yum-yum stuff.
“That should fix the problem you brainless monkeys,” explained executive Gloria Caulfield to a group of jeering students at University of Central California. “I am trying to inspire you witless, soon to be out of work peons, and you mock me? What is so bad about this revolutionary new technology that squeezes value out of you and gives it directly to me?”
Apple CEO John Ternus, in an effort to make AI less demeaning for consumers, will be turning Apple stores into large metal bowls, where products will slide out of a hole and consumers can throw their money into it and take their technology as fast as possible.
