ARLINGTON COUNTY, VA – Awakening briefly, President Trump addressed Americans assembled to pay their respects to the victims of the September 11th attacks, insisting that his mid-morning nap constituted a moment of silent reflection.
“Sure, I may have fallen asleep onstage while some idiot was droning on about ‘never forgetting’,” said the President, referring to a speech being given on the twenty-fifth anniversary of the most devastating terror attack in American history. “But that means I don’t have to stay here for the moment of silence later on, and I can go home early. That’s called being smart.”
Several Trump Administration officials praised the president for “having the fortitude” to fall asleep and do a moment of silence “on his terms”.
“Whether its the families of 9/11 victims or those pussy Canadians, nobody tells Mr. Trump when he can or can’t fall asleep,” enthused Secretary of War Pete Hegseth.
Trump then concluded his remarks by falling unconscious again, and muttering in his sleep about how he would “do a better job of 9/11 than Bin Laden ever could have”.
