WASHINGTON, D.C. – With President Trump sharing an image of Canada, Venezuela, and Greenland as captured U.S. territory, journalists are starting to ask follow up questions about his large, ominous box on which “Plans to Take Over the World” had been written in sharpie.
The curious box appeared sometime overnight, along with a new map of the western hemisphere where every country was labeled “Ours Soon”, plus a manila file folder labeled “Small Towns in America We’re Going to Let the Russians Invade, like in Red Dawn.”
Questioned about the foreboding box sitting next to him in the Oval Office, Trump told reporters “not to worry about it”, to which everyone assembled agreed that “seemed fine”.
“It’s hard to guess what all this means,” said CNN Senior Political Contributor. “President Trump is a free-thinker, and someone who knows how to negotiate. So this terrifying box is probably just him thinking strategically.”
The box, which was leaking an unknown, noxious fluid with an oily texture, was spotted during a press event in the Oval Office. On the President’s official schedule, the event was titled “Bring the suckers in and lie to them about my plans to invade the North Pole and who knows maybe Guyana too”.
Several press corps members asked about the box while the President, leaning on a model of Mount Rushmore where his face had replaced all four existing ones, told them not to bother about it.
“Folks, we’re working on some really good things. Really good,” Trump told them, “You don’t need to worry. We’re going to get back to winning, lots of winning, in this country. And other countries, which will soon be our countries. It’ll be real good.”
Nearby, a group of White House staffers could be seen measuring the carpet beneath the press corps for a trap door, while wheeling in an uncommonly-detailed diorama of an underground prison labelled “The jail we are absolutely getting ready to stick the press in”.
