JERUSALEM – The Israeli government announced their military would permanently occupy southern Lebanon following their initial invasion earlier this month.
“This is just a precautionary move, purely in self-defence,” stressed Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to foreign reporters, adding that the Lebanese civilians in the area would be forcibly removed for self-defence, their personal belongings seized in self-defence, and all homes demolished in self-defence.
According to multiple Israeli news media sources the IDF has deployed a division of self-defence tanks, hundreds of self-defence artillery platforms, and dozens of self-defence long-range missile batteries to the region.
“Why else did eagles evolve claws, if not to protect themselves against hordes of bloodthirsty mice?” asked Defence Minister Israel Katz. “When someone hits you, you hit back. In fact, it’s better to hit first, so they can’t hit you at all, that’s the purest form of self-defence there is, and it’s what we’re doing here, and in the Gaza, the West Bank, Syria, Yemen, and Iran. Purely self-defence.”
Israeli military officials insist their self-defence bombing campaign is made possible by the larger self-defence invasion currently being conducted by the American military in Iran. So far, Israel’s self-defence operations in Lebanon have mainly involved targeting and bombing ambulances and other medical facilities.
“We are sure that Hezbollah’s military command is located under the next hospital we bomb,” stressed Katz. “Hospital keep people alive, and the more enemy combatants remain in the area, the more unsafe we are, so they must be destroyed in the name of self-defence, along with the schools, who train and educate the next generation of enemy combatants.”
Israeli military officials celebrated the successful occupation efforts in south Lebanon for keeping the inhabitants of northern Israel safe. The conversation has now shifted into what self-defence operations will now be necessary to keep the eventual troop garrisons and Israeli settlers into south Lebanon safe.
At present time, the United Nations Security Counsel was deliberating whether to pass a resolution condemning Israel for striking Lebanon, or condemning Lebanon for striking back.
