VICTORIA, B.C. – Local thirty-five-year-old Dion Miller has reportedly salvaged his old PlayStation 3 from a storage bin and repurposed it as his last way to watch Blu-rays, a move that has delighted the nearly 20-year-old gaming console.
This decision to try and resuscitate the vintage piece of gaming hardware came after Miller remarked how “streaming sites don’t have everything” – a move welcomed by the agingf machine.
“Take ‘Star Wars, Episode IV,’” the PS3 explained, expelling a cloud of dust from its disc drive. “Sure, the full screen edition is on Disney +, but it’s not the wide screen edition you paid $80 for back in 2011. So whenever you want to watch this, or other stuff you’re too lazy to pirate, fire up your old pal, PS3… or should I say, your re-imagined Blu-ray player.”
While Miller now has the power to watch the occasional DVD, The Re-Imagined Blu-ray Player Formally Known As PS3 was not entirely welcome to this relegation.
“With so many people playing retro video games, now would be the perfect time for me to stage my return to the top of the video game world with titles like Little Big Planet and Sonic Unleashed,” said the former PS3.
“But I suppose I’m too new to be retro, or Dion just doesn’t know what state of the art gaming is. Either way, I’ll be back, you just wait and see…” the PS3 added, before fanning itself due to overheating.
Wind of this story went all the way to the president & CEO of Sony Interactive Entertainment, Hideaki Nishino, who was surprised to hear that someone was still using the gaming console from 2006, albeit for non-gaming purposes.
“I do however want to tell Miller that a brand-new PlayStation 5 can play Blu-ray DVDs as well as 4K Ultra HD Blu-rays, so I just hope he thinks of us when his PS3 eventually craps out and gets a yellow light of death…” Nishino added.
At press time, Miller did not have any plans to play any of his old PS3 games as he was using several of them to help him level a wobbly table.
