GUELPH, ON – The scientific community celebrated a groundbreaking discovery this week, with researchers uncovering the existence of a Canadian tuxedo cat.
The feline in question, whom researchers have officially dubbed Sample 501 and unofficially named Levi, has a coat made of head-to-tail blue denim. Neurological testing did not reflect any connection to the single brain cell shared by all other tuxedo cats, but did indicate that the cat’s brain was controlled by whatever cosmic influence governs the minds and actions of all members of species Felis catus.
“Like pretty much all cat owners, I found him completely by accident,” said lead researcher Leona Thomas, attempting to take a sample with a swab Levi determined was actually a toy. “I was out thrift shopping on my lunch to find a jean jacket to go underneath my jean lab coat, and the one I picked bit me.”
In addition to his unique coat, researchers report that Levi exhibits several other strange-even-for-a-cat characteristics, including strong feelings about hockey, a meow that sounds remarkably like the word “eh”, and a taste for ketchup chips (but only Lay’s brand).
The researchers remain at odds over what type of denim to classify the Canadian tuxedo cat as. “When he first arrived in the lab, he was definitely more of a skinny jean,” says Thomas. “But our Gen-Z scientists insist that is inaccurate and more importantly, uncool, and thus he should be classified as a relaxed jean. One colleague argued he may even be a baggy jean, due to his propensity for playing in paper bags.”At press time, Levi was starting a podcast with cat influencers Jorts and Jean on discovering one’s feline ancestry called Cat Gene Blues.
