VICTORIA, BC – A local woman is grappling with a bad habit she can’t seem to shake: apologizing for doing her job correctly.
“See, the problem was I organized the reports by invoice number rather than alphabetically, which is how I’ve been doing it for three years,” explained Data Analyst and Only Woman In The Office, Jennifer Connors. “But then it took the new guy an extra 10 seconds to find what he was looking for, so obviously I had to apologize.”
Connors, who performs tasks as she was trained to do them rather than by an imaginary process dreamed up by her boss in his sleep and never shared with her, routinely feels guilt about her impeccable job performance. The sensation is particularly problematic during large meetings, small meetings, one-on-one meetings, private moments in the office bathroom, and silences lasting longer than 3 seconds.
“One moment I’ll be collating up a storm, working at peak efficiency for $15,000 less than the guy who shares my job, Dave,” Connors explained, getting teary. “But then Dave flares his nostrils, and I’m like, ‘oh god, sorry Dave, I bet the quiet ruffling of papers is distracting you from your fantasy football break. I’ll try to be quieter while I finish your work, too.”
Connors’ most recent apologies include proclaiming an inability to read when caught four typos in a 3,000 word email from HR, an inability to type when she quietly corrected those typos without telling anyone, and an inability to speak when a co-worker corrected her already-correct pronunciation of the word “library.”
When asked to consider if her apologies were necessary, or even desired by the other parties involved, Connors explained her plate is full with other concerns.
“I spend every waking moment of my existence worrying about how other people see me, so I’m too busy to really think about the apology itself right now,” she explained. “Maybe it’s Impostor Syndrome? Not to compare myself to people suffering from actual Impostor Syndrome or anything. Sorry!”
When asked to elaborate, Connors looked flustered and bashful.
“Did that come off harsh? I’m multitasking right now and got distracted. Definitely not the intention to be blunt! You’re doing great,” Connors added, followed by three smiley face emojis. “I’m so sorry!”