Other famous political assassinations by milkshakes - The Beaverton

Other famous political assassinations by milkshakes

With the recent murder of Brexit Party leader by milkshake, the dangerous dairy beverage has been a popular weapon of choice for political assassins throughout history. Here are some famous assassinations that come to mind:

1963 – JFK

Lee Harvey Oswald was hiding in the book Texas School Book Depository with two highly malted strawberry milkshake when he hurled them at President Kennedy. Oswald was a trained milkshake marksman in the Marines and hit Kennedy with both rounds. Some said there was a second Sundae thrower from the bushes, but has since been dismissed as a conspiracy theory.

1948 – Gandhi

Renowned peace-activist and India’s first president Mahatma Gandhi was felled by three butterscotch ice-milks at point-blank range. The assassin knew full-well of Gandhi’s lactose-intolerance.

1914 – Archduke Franz Ferdinand

With European countries already engaged in a great dessert-race arming themselves with pie after pie, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne Archduke Franz Ferdinand was murdered along with his wife with a triple-thick chocolate milkshake in Sarajevo.

1865 – Abraham Lincoln

While enjoying a performance at Ford’s Theatre, America’s 16th President Abraham Lincoln was slayed by Confederate sympathizer John Wilkes Booth who was armed with a small Frosty he bought at Wendy’s.

1263 – The Dairy Queen

The once tyrannical ruler of Central Europe, The Dairy Queen, was brought down by one of her own knights by way of sweetened ice milk and left to die between the ice cream cakes and deep fryer.