OTTAWA – Making good on its promise to live in a better neighbourhood, the second largest country in the world has made the move out of the North America.
Canada packed up its 10 million square kilometers of territory and travelled westward into the Pacific Ocean earlier this morning saying that they can no longer tolerate the American family always fighting with each other.
“It’s a damn shame we have to leave,” said Maryse LaSalle of Wolfville, NS. “But I was worried about how impressionable Canada is. We’re already seeing some hate-filled rhetoric impersonations from our politicians who look up to the older boys in America. It’s not good at all.”
Night after night, rubbernecking Canadians ran to their windows to peer out of the blinds to see what mass shooting, hate crime, or political crises is unfolding just across the border.
“I was going to call the cops, but then I realized it was the cops that were sometimes causing the problem,” said Marcelo Ferreira of Windsor. “I just can’t sleep anymore with the constant noise of CNN, Donald Trump, and the midterm elections.”
Others said that they had been patient long enough for America to make some much needed repairs to their dilapidated sense of unity.
“We’ve put up with some bad behaviour for the past 151 years and thought that things were going to get better eventually,” said Derek Pham of Canmore, Alberta while carefully placing the last of the Canadian Rockies into a U-Haul trailer. “It’s beginning to hurt our national property values.”
While Canada’s final destination is unknown, the nation of 36 million is eyeing a quieter and more gentrified continent.