If re-elected, Tory promises to increase flooding until Toronto a gondola-filled Venice of the North - The Beaverton

If re-elected, Tory promises to increase flooding until Toronto a gondola-filled Venice of the North

– With the mayoral less than a month away, is running on his record of turning Toronto into a stormwater-flooded city of breathtaking waterways.

“Imagine it,” said Tory, running a garden hose over a scale model of Toronto. “Azure canals spreading from Little Italy all the way to your basement. Bellisima.”

While Tory has faced criticism for standing in the way of City Council initiatives aimed at flood reduction, many have praised his pilot project replacing the King streetcar with a vaporetto.

“Unless one restaurant owner complains about it,” Tory clarified.

“Yes, the flooding causes millions in damage, but consider the upsides,” said Tory. “ drivers singing “O Sole Mio’, being run over by elegant gondolas, a regatta down University avenue ending at Queen’s Park, which we’ve now started calling ‘the Doug’s Palace’.”

The campaign seems to have polarized the city; suburbanites like Giorgio say that flooding Toronto will make it easier to drive downtown, while downtown residents say the city should focus more on not having people drown in the elevator.

At press time, the country’s had vowed to work on a plan as soon as flooding struck a city they didn’t hate.

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