Big city elite retires to their 300 sq foot basement apartment to eat beans - The Beaverton

Big city elite retires to their 300 sq foot basement apartment to eat beans

– Local woman Kaitlin Escada, who based on her location and political views many describe as a ‘big ’, is spending her evening sitting in darkness eating beans after her 6 year old laptop overheated once more.

“Don’t let the lack of windows fool you,” said Chilliwack resident and home owner Gord Briggs. “Those generic brand beans are just giving her the energy to gay marry a refugee.”

Many political analysts believe that because Escada lives and works 18 hour days for minimum wage in a fancy city she could not possibly empathise with the , blue collar struggle of getting a $50,000 a year job straight out of high . Especially in light of the monthly caviar allowance that the government gives to all those living in major cities.

“I don’t like to flaunt my urbane existence but on Thursday I splurged and got the bus home instead of walking” admitted Escada. “Also when I need AC on a hot day I go to the because I’m pretty flush with libraries.”

Escada often participates in many aristocratic practices including furnishing her home with things she finds on the side of the , walking in the shadows cast by luxury condominium buildings and buying discounted, expired cheese.

But that isn’t the only reason Escada and her ilk are disdained. Many honest hardworking Canadians are terrified of the political alliance Escada has formed with some fat cats living large off a $1333 a month disability pension.