OTTAWA – With today’s announcement that his government would be purchasing the Trans Mountain pipeline from Kinder Morgan, Prime Minister Trudeau has become just the latest committed climate change fighter to own and operate a massive oil pipeline.
“Just like how David Attenborough owns and runs the Keystone XL pipeline when he is not making movies warning us about the critical danger our planet is in, so too can I work to stop climate change while owning the Trans Mountain,” said Trudeau.
“No one ever questioned why Al Gore bought the ESPO pipeline, and that is the longest crude oil pipeline in the world!” he added.
The pipeline has been on hold ever since BC’s NDP government arbitrarily decided that having thousands of litres of oil travelling through pristine and often Indigenous land in exchange for almost no money going to the province was somehow a bad deal. But now supporters of the project have found their champion in Trudeau, one of the world’s great environmentalists according to several online listicles.
“It’s like that old saying: ‘Take care of the Earth, and she will take care of you, unless you need to curry political favour in a province dominated by oil interests whose citizens weren’t going to vote for you anyway,’” elaborated Trudeau.
The government is not planning on maintaining ownership indefinitely. Once the project is up and running it will likely sell its interest. There are reportedly already numerous interested buyers, including one consortium lead by Jane Goodall and David Suzuki.