OTTAWA – After Canada’s highest court reaffirmed the rights of provinces to impose fines and confiscate liquor that crosses provincial boundaries, the federal government will rename all provincial boundaries the ‘Canada-US Border’ to make transporting liquor between provinces much easier.
While duties will still be imposed on alcohol, Canadian citizens will not be treated by police as though they were Depression-era bootleggers fleeing down the TransCanada Highway with their homemade hooch.
“It’s really quite simple,” explained Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who is also the Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs. “We will cede 10 metre strips of all provincial boundaries to the United States, so those Canadians transporting alcohol won’t have too much of a hassle so long as they declare it.
Modernizing provincial borders by making them foreign ones is the only way to bring Canada into the mid-20th century,” added the PM.
Trudeau also touted other benefits of living in a province surrounded by the US including access to better streaming services, cheaper dairy products, and shitty beer that’s not the same price as a decent one anywhere else in the world.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court of Canada declared that Canadians should leave them alone already and just buy booze in the US.
With files from Tristan Bradley
