BARRIE – After obtaining the approval of the Ontario PC Party’s provincial nominations committee, Patrick Brown officially kicked off his campaign for the party’s leadership at an all-ages event at Hooligans nightclub.
“I am proud to announce my campaign to reclaim my rightful place as the leader of the Ontario PC Party” said Brown as a bouncer wrapped a pink paper band around his wrist. “Now who wants some polar bear shots?”
After looking around and silently acknowledging that they were too shy to dance with each other, supporters in attendance began to look nervously at their phones as Cardi B blared through the speakers.
Brown’s intent to reclaim his old job after resigning and getting booted from caucus caused major division within the party, and already there are further questions being asked by members of the party executive over fraudulent membership numbers.
“Patrick said that there would be way more girls here,” said one executive member. “This party is lame, I’m going to get my parents to take me to Doug Ford’s.”
“Of course it’s great he’s running,” said party member Malcolm McHearty as he threw his empty paper cup of what was a vodka cranberry on the floor. “Nobody in this party has made such an effort to reach out to young female voters.”