QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer? - The Beaverton

QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer?

Oh, shit. Holy shit, Jesus. What the hell was that, it shot out right in front of the car. Jesus Christ, look at the hood of the car! What was that, like a deer or something? Take this quiz and find out!

1. h my god. Oh my god what was that?
I don’t know! Jesus, it came out of nowhere!
I don’t know! It went like, right over the car!
I don’t know! I couldn’t see shit with those lights!
I don’t know! Maybe it was like.. a mailbox? Are we sure it moved?
2. Look, just… just go check it out, okay? I'll stay here and protect the car.
Uuughhh… Okay, fine. Stay here.
What? I’m not doing that! I definitely hear something out there!
(no response, bewildered look out of rear windshield)
‘Protect the car”? From what? Don’t be a baby.
3. Remember on Saturday when I wanted to see Ragnarok and you wanted to see Justice League, and we saw Justice League? You owe me!
I already said I'd go, Jesus! I'm just taking my seatbelt off!
Just gimme a minute, just shut up and gimme a minute and let me think!
But what if it’s, like… what WAS that, I don’t even know!
THAT’S what I owe you for?! That’s why I’m going into the woods in the dark by myself?
4. Please? Just please go look?
I'm- I AM going. Here I go.
This is NOT because I owe you, I'm just worried about what that was. I don't owe you.
Fine. Fine fine fine phewwww it's cool I'm cool I'll just go look.
Just, alright, just hold on. I'll be right back.
5. Hey! Do you see it yet?!
I'm not there yet, hang on! It's dark out here!
SHHH! I think it’s moving around!
old on! I’m trying to find… what is that, a theremin?
Just wait there, I said I'll be right back!
6. Oh! There it is! There it is there it is!
Aw man
Oh shit
What in the hell
QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer?
It was, yeah. It was a deer, shit
Aw, hell. Yeah. Yeah it was a deer. Oh, that sucks, you hate to see that. But at night it's like... how do you know? Right? I mean they're so fast. Ah, man. Look at it. So uh... what do we- like what do we do about this? I mean one of us should... do something, right? And, I mean just putting it out there, I already stayed and protected the car, so...
QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer?
It was a guy and he's okay but he's super pissed off
Ah shit, it was a guy! Dammit, it was a guy and he didn't get killed but he's super mad, oh man, look at how mad he is. What was he doing out here, was he like a hitchhiker? Okay yeah, yeah he's not in the mood for question-answering, he is UPSET. Did you get like a good look at you? Can you still get back to the car? Is that still a bad thing do, if the person’s okay? I can hear him yelling from here, wow! I’m like… that guy is PISSED, I’m almost impressed how pissed he is!
QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer?
It was a little alien!
Oh…. hmm! Well that's kind of out of left field, it was some kind of little alien. I guess that's why it was hard to tell what it was, it was an alien with a physiology from somewhere other than earth. Probably the thing to do here is like bring him home and let him chill until he feels better, like ET or whatever? Otherwise he's gonna go home and tell everybody what happened and it's gonna be independence day. Man. My money was not on that being a little alien, but hey!
QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer?
Oh great, it was like an axe murderer
Oh terrific, it was like a great big axe murder guy, great. This is like the last thing you wanted it to be, I bet. That's classic too, the whole thing where you leave the car and then it's an axe murderer. Well, shit. Everybody says don't just keep driving if you hit something, and that's probably still like 99.9% true, but like... is this what “the exception that proves the rule” means? I never really got what that means. Anyway, what a Monday this is shaping up to be, right?
  •  ♥ 
  •  🍆 
  • LOL 
  • I do not know how I feel about this 
  • I just want to click a button 
Images via Pixabay / Flickr
Want more satire in your life? Check out the Beaverton Podcast!