TIMMINS, ON – After Jagmeet Singh’s recent event was interrupted by an islamophobe accusing him of colluding with the Muslim Brotherhood, rival NDP candidate Charlie Angus has admitted he is the one in league with Islamic fundamentalism.
“It was me, Canada, it was me all along,” said Angus, wearing his signature white robe and keffiyah. “Poor Jagmeet was nothing but a decoy.”
Unlike Jagmeet Singh, who is Sikh, and therefore not part of the global conspiracy to make Canadians eat Halal and worship the sun, sources in the Angus’ campaign confirm that the Timmins-James Bay MP is in bed with Sharia, and that his Sharia is never going to stop.
“Let me be clear: I am the only NDP candidate who stands for the establishment of an islamofascist Caliphate in the greater Sudbury region,” said Angus, who has worn the traditional Janbiya dagger since he was elected in 2004. “It’s what most of my punk band’s songs are about.”
While the protester suggested Singh’s votes would lead to Sharia law, Angus has clarified that the only thing that will lead to Sharia in Canada will be his squadrons of ruthless desert cavalry.
This is the first time a Canadian politician has done something to help the Islamist cause since Stephen Harper sent fighter jets to Syria.