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Hamilton Tiger-Cats lose in practice match against training equipment

HAMILTON – The struggling was dealt another blow after losing a practice match to their training equipment by a score of 2-0.

Many believed that the (0-7) would easily defeat their padded opponents, but things started to fall apart in the second half at Tim Hortons Field.

“Passes were just not connecting and we kept running into the speed hurdles,” said Head Coach Kent Austin. “But a win has to come from somewhere…sometime…eventually.”

During the third quarter, wide-receiver Brandon Banks caught a 45-yard pass and nearly made it to the end zone before being tackled by a static agility poll. Efforts to execute a quarterback sneak were unsuccessful when Zach Collaros ran into a football sled at the training equipment’s 2 yard line causing a turnover on downs.

Making matters worse, Hamilton was forced to safety after a punt was blocked by a stand-up dummy, and half of the offensive line was injured tripping over knee-high ropes.

“They just outplayed us,” an exhausted Ti-Cats quarterback Zach Collaros said of his inanimate opponents at the end of the game. “They stuck to their strategy of not budging an inch and it really worked.”

Hamilton will play Ottawa this Friday which is expected to be sad.

 

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book