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Pizza Pizza hires first Italian
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Liberal budget promises 10 bajillion dollars to whatever thing you’re into
Canada suffering productivity crisis, says government that does nothing
In honour of Mulroney, national funeral to be privatized
Trudeau wondering if he should try being PM of a different country, now that he’s got the hang of it
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Nation’s cyclists mortified after learning that stop signs and red lights apply to them too
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White kid’s name spelled normally
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Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed
Eglinton LRT builders mail ransom note, severed piece of track, to Torontonians
Toronto Liberal MPs accuse Olivia Chow of trying to help Toronto
Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane
Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop
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Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
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Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
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NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
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UPDATE: Royal Family insists Kate has always had 3 hands, and King Charles is with her on a farm in the country
Buckingham Palace struggling to enforce Return to Office policy
Royal Family stands by photos, insists Kate Middleton has always had 3 hands
Ukrainian military discovers Canadian “drones” just old Sea Kings with GoPros taped on
OJ Simpson funeral to feature ceremonial televised white bronco chase
OJ Simpson dies surrounded by family members he didn’t murder
Trump clarifies abortion stance as “whatever will convince you, personally, to vote for me”
Following fraud judgement, Trump offers followers chance to pay $355mil for one night of passion with Eric
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
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New Canadian Olympic uniforms made from real Alberta beef
NHL to expand to every city in North America except Quebec City
10 names for Utah’s new NHL team even less representative of the state than Jazz
NHL player declared legally dead before trade deadline expects to be ready for Playoffs
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Boeing whistleblower found dead in Boeing plane that spontaneously combusted
Conservatives announce that Loblaws will be exclusive distributors of new Porn IDs
Bell cuts 4800 jobs to create more participants for next Bell Let’s Talk Day
In event of cabin pressure change, air Canada instructs passengers to secure own mask before 360 roundhouse kicking the person next to them
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Was 2003 The Best Year Ever? No, But You People Endlessly Crave Nostalgia Therapy
Deadpool & Wolverine to finally introduce Canada to Marvel Cinematic Universe
Law & Order Toronto criticized as unrealistic after showing Toronto Police trying to solve crimes
Conservative pundit decries rising divorce rate in his house
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4 hangover cures that aren’t as good as playing Home for a Rest by beloved Canadian folk rock band Spirit of the West at full volume
Malfunctioning embryo freezer charged with mass murder
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Is Buffy Ste Marie actually Indigenous? Six extremely white people weigh in
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Pizza Pizza hires first Italian employee
Pizza Pizza
hires first Italian employee.
