NHL hopes ‘Hockey Fights Cancer’ campaign proves as successful as previous initiative, ‘Hockey Tacitly Accepts Brain Injuries’ - The Beaverton
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NHL hopes ‘Hockey Fights Cancer’ campaign proves as successful as previous initiative, ‘Hockey Tacitly Accepts Brain Injuries’

– A spokesperson for the says he’s confident that the league’s ‘ Fights Cancer’ campaign will prove to be every bit as successful as its last initiative, the wildly effective ‘Hockey Tacitly Accepts Brain Injuries.’

“It’s a no brainer,” explained deputy director of communications Bryan Wu. “By taking the same awareness and preventative measures that we worked so hard to suppress with regard to brain injuries, and actively promoting them when it comes to cancer, I have no doubt that we can save thousands of otherwise healthy adults from enduring the decades of needless suffering and early death that awaits so many of our past, current, and players.”

Wu stressed importance of using clear, plain language when discussing the illness, rather than obfuscating the danger it poses through euphemisms like ‘getting your bell rung.’ He also noted that it’s especially crucial to encourage to be open about their suffering and anxieties, rather than shame them for being weak, selfish pussies who don’t want to win badly enough for their teammates.

“But more than anything, we try to discourage people from engaging in any behavior linked to cancer, rather than sending them out to do it over and over again for 82 games per season.”

When asked to explain the differences between the league’s approach to brain injuries versus its attitude toward cancer, Wu was philosophical.

“Well unlike concussions, cancer isn’t lucrative enough for the NHL to sweep under the rug. And to us, that’s the biggest tragedy of all.”