OTTAWA — Labour market experts are advising precariously employed youth to look into alternative streams of income such as the illegal international organ trade to ensure they enjoy a similar level of comfort as their parents’ generation.
Labour market and employment consultant David Shaw says considering Finance Minister Bill Morneau’s recent comments that youth should be prepared for a lifetime of precarious employment, selling one’s own organs for profit is a more attractive option than ever.
“Have you seen how much a kidney goes for these days?” asked Shaw, while gesturing at a chart of the price index of human organs over the past two years.
Shaw insists that although letting a stranger harvest your organs is risky, it still beats being taken advantage of by exploitative employers.
“Let’s be honest. Any good job is going to be snatched up by some kid whose parents were able to support him while he racked up a roster of impressive unpaid internships,” said Shaw.
“Short-term contract work is too unstable and there are no benefits. At least with the organ trade, you make your own hours and you’re free to take sick leave whenever you want — and you’ll need it.”
Shaw claimed that the organ trade can also help young people avoid high job turnover over the course of their career. “When you start factoring in other commodities like clean urine, blood and teeth, you really start to see a long-term career trajectory!” he insisted enthusiastically.
The 65-year-old expert argued that many young people claim they are willing to work, but when presented with viable options, they refuse.
“They say ‘I don’t want to sell my hair to a sex doll manufacturer’ or ‘I don’t want to live with only one eye.’”
Shaw chalks this attitude up to a generational difference. “Why is it that people in my generation were willing to do things like take a paper route to earn extra money, but Mr. Unemployed-20-Something is too good to take a job as a part-time hitman? There’s a real issue of entitlement with this generation.”
At press time, Shaw was furious to learn that he was not being paid for this interview.