VANCOUVER – In a candid interview yesterday morning Raymond Saunders, the designer of the Gastown Steam Clock, revealed that the popular Vancouver landmark is, in fact, powered by the sighs of disappointed tourists.
“Sure, I said it was steam powered. But that’s part of the ruse,” Saunders stated at a local event to commemorate the structure, which was built in 1977. “I had to ask myself, what would generate enough disappointment to keep the clock running year after year? Then it came to me: a steam-powered clock built in the late 70s! It’s not even historic!” Saunders concluded self-satisfactorily.
Canadian band Nickelback, who featured the clock on the cover of their 2011 album “Here and Now,” were also at attendance at the event.
Saunders informed reporters that the band had, in fact, used the clock as artwork for their album as a favour to him. “I was worried it wasn’t disappointing enough,” Saunders explained. “I thought that by associating the machine with Nickelback, I could really make it run forever. After all, what’s more disappointing than Nickelback?”
Outside the steam clock, the usual crowd of disgruntled onlookers were unhappily fuelling its power cells. Marta Jasinksi, a visitor from Poland, was overheard commenting, “It’s bizarre. It’s not even big. It’s a small clock and it was installed in the late 1970s! Congratulations Vancouver, your number one tourist attraction is a publicly funded Timex.”
Jasinksi’s comments were greeted by a round of applause by the crowd, who remained unaware that their raw disappointment was only giving the clock the fuel it needed to further disappoint.
As their groans of disappointment reached a crescendo, the clock nearly overheated from the unqualified frustration of those gathered around it.
“I guess it could be worse,” Jasinki eventually sighed wearily, “we could be stuck in front of that giant nickel in Sudbury.”