MONACO – Calling it their most successful day yet, the Monte Carlo police force handed out $433,000 worth of speeding tickets in just 3 hours of traffic stops at yesterday’s Formula One races.
“Son, do you know how fast you were going?” asked speedway patrolman Matheo Cosca, slowly writing out a ticket as first-place driver Nico Rosberg searched his vehicle for license and registration. “Uh-oh, it also looks like your tail lights are… nonexistent. Gonna have to cite you for that.”
Chief of Police, Louis Moreau, says he received a tip that some young hot shots would be racing their cars down by the ol’ Formula One track. Moreau said he would not disclose the name of his informant but said that he was probably trustworthy, seeing as he was the CEO of a luxury car company.
“$27,000?!” said Kevin Magnussen, sitting in disbelief as he was lapped several times. “Just for going 310kmh in a 40kmh zone?”
“Well, as long as I don’t get any demerit points.”
The Monte Carlo traffic authority set their speed trap near a straightaway, using specially planted thickets to disguise their patrol cars. Halfway through the race, and more than 30 tickets later, the reckless driving had nearly ceased.
“I was content to just let each of them off with a warning as long as they promised to drive safely,” explained Moreau. “But if you stop the same person in the same place four times, you really have to wonder if they care about safety at all.”
At press time, police were forced to break up the trophy ceremony after someone pulled out a bottle of champagne and started drinking in public.
