UPDATE: Squirrel still deciding if it should finish crossing road - The Beaverton

UPDATE: Squirrel still deciding if it should finish crossing road

WILLOWDALE, ON – Traffic on a Willowdale street is still at a standstill, as a local decides if it should finish crossing the road or go back the way it came.

According to reports, local driver Elisa Topp has tried everything to force the animal to a decision, including inching forward, gently tapping on her horn, and uttering anthropomorphous pleas that only she could hear.

Andy Thibodeau, whose car has been stalled behind Topp’s for upwards of twenty-two seconds, has been quick to criticize municipal planners for not seeing this coming.

“Is it any wonder there’s constant gridlock? If those boneheads at city council had taken a second think instead of wasting my tax dollars, they’d have built this road through a possum habitat. Possums! Now they know how to make a decision.”

Wildlife experts report that the squirrel is likely confused, scared, or evaluating the philosophical ramifications of arriving at its destination in accordance with Zeno’s Paradox.

“Of course I can’t run it over,” Topp told reporters through clenched teeth. “It’s a beautiful animal that deserves to live, even if it’s a fucking idiot.”

Further traffic ensued as local good-guy, James Lee, attempted to lure the squirrel off the road with a trail of peanuts, only to be hit by a curb-jumping driver who needed to get to Tim’s before they ran out of fritters.