CANADA – Six days after their throats started to get scratchy, the entire country is still trying to get over this fucking cold.
“Shit,” said every person in the country, catching their breath after an extended bout of dry coughing. “Jesus Christ.”
Although the country has been getting plenty of sleep, has been drinking a lot of fluids, and has followed every other piece of annoying, unsolicited advice given by friends and family, sources say it still feels like garbage, and doesn’t seem to be getting any better.
“Look, I’ve got shit to do,” said Canada, after receiving disapproving looks from coworkers for showing up to work with a runny nose and unhealthy pallour. “I can’t just keep sitting around until it gets better, because apparently I’m just going to be sick for the rest of my goddamn life.”
At press time, yeah, the country still felt terrible, but sure, they’d be up to get a beer.
