Local monster opens salad bar in botanical garden - The Beaverton

Local monster opens salad bar in botanical garden

— Today, thousands of visitors to the Botanical Garden found themselves in disbelief after a man voted by Cult MTL readers as “#1 local monster, baby punter, and all around piece-of-shit”, Jerry Ferguson, somehow managed to obtain all of the legal permits and licenses required to open a salad bar in the center of the Alpine Garden exhibit.

When asked to comment on the public’s outrage, Ferguson had only this to say:

“I feel nothing.”

At press time, Jerry “Dick Fuck” Ferguson had just announced plans to purchase and convert the Farine Five Roses mill into a clothing factory, specializing in puppy-fur coats for racist elderly people.

The second season of our television show airs Wednesdays at 10 on Comedy. You can watch the latest episode right here!