OTTAWA – After being hidden away for years in Parliament, a time capsule filled with aging artifacts has revealed that Ottawa was just dull and uninteresting as it is now.
The capsule, which was discovered last month by construction crews, contained black and white photos of rather tame looking people, aging grey buildings and some uninteresting letters made by complete nobodies making the find an accurate reflection of what Ottawa is today.
“When I opened it, I nearly fell asleep just looking at all items,” said historian Maryse Blanchard of the University of Ottawa pointing to the artifacts. “This photo here is the old East Block of Parliament where faceless civil servants painstakingly calculated a trite federal budget much like today. And here’s a picture of tired-eyed tourists in front of the Rideau Canal wondering why the hell they bothered to visit such a lifeless national capital…just like it is now.”
Blanchard then read a long-lost letter from a young man to his mother describing the perpetual state of mediocrity and ennui in Ottawa which read:
Dear Mother,
Saw the viceregal the other day. Not much else to do.
Warm Regards, Herbert
“This letter clearly proves that Ottawa carries on its legacy of being completely unexceptional,” Blanchard added. “A snoozefest right from its infancy.”
According to sources, the time capsule will be stored at a museum you’ve probably never heard of or will visit.
