That pusillanimous charlatan David Johnston has perniciously mulct the Order of Canada from me - The Beaverton

That pusillanimous charlatan David Johnston has perniciously mulct the Order of Canada from me


In what can only be called a banal display of demagoguery, the , along with that Star Council of pabulum known as the advisory council, has hoisted me from the Order of Canada’s ranks, and plopped me unceremoniously back into the timorous echelons of the undistinguished Canadian masses.

And for what? For the spurious charge of cozening leveled by that illegitimate panoply of broken institutions known as the US justice system? For the factitious ‘illegalities’ of ‘mail fraud’ and ‘misleading investors’? I fail to see in any of my past or present actions anything from which those on behalf of the law or business could justifiably take umbrage.

I was CEO of Hollinger International. The money was the property of Hollinger International. Therefore, it was my money to spend. Of the fact that I am and was completely correct and free of wrongdoing, I have no doubt. It is true that the money was dispensed mostly on dinners, mansions, clothing accessories and performances. These were essential to the smooth running of my vacations, digestive tract, and marriage (of course not in that order); and hence, to Hollinger International. Therefore, it was my fiduciary responsibility to invest company resources into living with the opulence of an Argentine.

The other reason cited for the arbitrary removal of this deserved accolade by our head of state’s vacuous fool of a representative was my allegedly casual renunciation of Canadian citizenship when I was offered a British peerage.

The advisory council and their officious collaborators in the chattering classes have forgotten two important distinctions with regards to this matter: 1) that the peerage was an award, and therefore I could not refuse it, 2) that peers in Britain’s House of Lords wear costumes. Luscious ermine and red robes, to be exact. I had to make a veritable Sophie’s Choice: the robes? Or my country? Who can honestly say they would not have made the same choice in my situation?

Luckily, I was able to reapply for citizenship after getting out of prison. I even managed to get the process expedited because of my political connections and because the paper I founded is the current government’s most prominent ally among the fourth estate. If I can just manage to do the same with my television show, I may yet earn my way back into the Order’s good graces.

And then I will shew them the meaning of the word ‘Magniloquent’.