CANADA – The coldest winter in more than two decades has left Canada’s elderly scrounging for ways to make themselves seem hardier than today’s youth.weather
“When I was a boy, the winters were frigid,” said Grandpa Dave, from Edmonton. “The temperature would sometimes drop to, heck, just about what it is now, actually.”
“With windchill, dagnabbit, I guess today is colder”
Since the first detached polar vortex of the season, children have been calling up their grandparents to complain about consecutive days without power, snow drifts as high as the power lines, and winds so cold that they could “freeze the balls off a brass monkey, gramma.”
Among the halfhearted new winter complaints of Canada’s seniors are, “In my day, we didn’t have fancy cars to crash on icy roads”, and, “in my day, we didn’t have Seasonal Affective Disorder, we just drank.”
Without winter, the nation’s elderly have been forced to reminisce about other parts of their youth.
“Back in my day, we knew how to wage real wars,” said Grandpa Dave. “Every day you’d have to walk to school barefoot, uphill both ways through the bodies of an entire betrayed generation of young men. And that was on a good day!”
