WASHINGTON – In spite of its inclusion in his New Year’s vow to cut back on personal indulgences, President Obama has been unable to kick the habit of repeatedly bombing Pakistan with robotic drones.
“I know, I know,” a sheepish Obama admitted to a gathering of the press. “I promised myself I’d cut back on chocolate and cigarettes, and go cold turkey on the drone strikes. Well hey guys, it’s been 16 days since my last Oh Henry bar!”
Obama’s wife, Michelle, said that she is glad her husband finally cut down on his smoking, if not on his creation of smoking craters where communities of people used to be.
“I guess I can’t fault him for it too much,” she said. “I mean, I’ve fallen short of my New Year’s goal, too. I only worked out my arms six times today.”
Fortunately for the incorrigible Commander-In-Chief, some believe it’s ok to sneak in the the odd drone strike into his daily routine.
“Everybody needs to have some sort of vice,” said Wiley Anderson, a professor of psychology from Princeton University. “With all the stresses of the recent election, it’s important for the President to be able to let off some steam. Sometimes, you just need to spend an hour watching reality TV, or relaxing with a mint julep, or habitually instructing unfeeling machines to obliterate dozens of innocent lives. It’s called ‘me time.’”
At press time, when confronted by the news that a half dozen children had been included in the collateral damage of a drone strike in North Waziristan, Obama was quick to go on the defensive:
“Cut me some slack, America,” said the lovable rascal and Head of State while fiddling with the remote control for a Predator Drone. “I’ve been to the gym three times this week!”
