Isla Nublar – After two novels and five movies in the series, Universal Pictures has announced that the upcoming film, Jurassic World Dominion will finally show what audiences have been wai…
Tag: sex
Review: Season two of Bridgerton needed more boinking
Burlington, ON – Season two of Bridgerton is out and the reviews are in: there’s not enough nudity and not nearly enough sex. Instead, all viewers got was a stupid story about sacrifice and love …
Conservatives warn Liberal-NDP deal is “backdoor socialism”, “handjob democracy” and “salad-tossing representation”
OTTAWA – Following the announcement of a plan for the NDP to support Justin Trudeau’s Liberal government until 2025, Conservative MPs ar warning the deal will surely lead to “backdoor socia…
Opinion: I didn’t get it at first but once you start fucking Pete Davidson it totally makes sense
LOS ANGELES – By 2025, the World Health Organization predicts 80 percent of the world’s population will have contracted COVID-19, and 91 percent will have fucked Pete Davidson. I fucked Pe…
Microwave vs Air Fryer: Which reheats sex toys better?
Listen, we all know the struggle. You’ve had a long day, and all you want is just to reheat something hot to fill you up inside for tonight. It used to be simple! Pop it in the microwave and acce…
Coca-Cola CEO admits the only reason they make mini cans is for dudes to use in their dick pics
ATLANTA – Coca-Cola CEO Bryan O’Malley acknowledged this morning what industry insiders had long suspected: that the only reason the company sells the 222ml mini can version is so guy…
Olympic dressage horses sent home in disgrace for ignoring sex ban
TOKYO – Scandal has rocked the Olympics as dressage horses Bella Rose and Dream Boy were caught violating the ban on sex between athletes. “COVID forced us to re-evaluate our normally permissive …
REPORT: Summer nights getting hotter in least horny way possible
WORLDWIDE – A recent report from Global Change Biology has confirmed that night-times are getting hotter on a global scale, but unfortunately not in a fun, sexy way. “We cannot stress enoug…
Feminism Win! This Sex Doll has a mouth
In a man’s world, it can be hard to find a win 🙁. But this #feminist just got a little cheerier because see this sex doll right here? This silicone woman-shaped 46-14-36 vessel for Dick Dannon? W…
Local woman faces Sophie’s Choice between having secure mental health and having an orgasm
TORONTO – In a world where the only thing louder than the shrieking climax of pharmaceutical capitalism is the suffocating endemic of mental illness, one woman has to make the decision of a…