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Canada Votes 2015
Carney eyes Bloc MP to complete his collection
Local man would be angrier about Liberal’s undemocratic floor-crossing scheme if it wasn’t so funny to imagine Poilievre’s face
The Beaverton Lives! It still needs your help to thrive
Carney orders staffers to bow before speaking to him
Raccoon standing still on top of garbage bin worried he’s not going to get to scare the fuck out of anyone tonight
Elder Millennial opens zip file of cherished memories
Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick
CTV announces 24 nanosecond news cycle
Max Scherzer re-signs with Blues Jays for chance to win, get even with guy who cut him off on DVP
Buck Martinez announces he is getting up, getting out of here, and gone
TTC promises to get Finch West LRT travel time under 24 hours
“You can totally tell this movie was shot in Toronto,” says man about movie set in Toronto
Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Vancouver wins “Least Worst Public Transit” award ninth year in a row
Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader
Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane
Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Trump to allies: “Which of you fucking losers wants to secure the Strait of Hormuz?”
Americans demand to know who they have to bomb to lower gas prices
Justin Trudeau offers tips on political dynasties to Iran’s newly-chosen supreme leader, Mojtaba Khamenei
Trump assures Congress that Netanyahu has a plan for Iran invasion
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House Democrats ask if Canada could step in to fight authoritarianism for them
Airport security lineups in US vastly reduced after ICE agents kidnap most travellers
Poilievre appears on Joe Rogan podcast after accidentally polling too well with women
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
Sports
US loses World Baseball Classic bet, has to give Venezula their oil back
Max Scherzer re-signs with Blues Jays for chance to win, get even with guy who cut him off on DVP
Heated Rivalry fans unfamiliar with concept hockey players might be gross
Evil spirit inside Olympic stuffed animal now controls Nathan MacKinnon’s mortal soul
Business
Business
Flexible hours company lets bosses email employees any time
Loblaws pretty sure people won’t care that coconuts labelled as “Canadian”
Live Nation restricts ticket buying and selling exclusively to bots
Blue Jays to honour the moment Joe Carter chose a Rogers phone plan
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
World mourns simpler time when internet was just Chuck Norris memes
Music festival fan regales friends about $700 show that sounds like worst experience possible
New Oscar category for “Best Cast” won by Bobby, who tried to climb the tube slide
Ben Mulroney accidentally shares video with fake footage of him being a respected media figure
Report: Late friend late again
New glasses feel immense pressure to improve fuckability
28-year-old really enjoying early twenties
Barbershop customer a little worried after seeing huge chunk of ear hit floor
Grieving woman trauma dumps to therapist who just wanted to catch up
Branding genius! This man calls never doing anything for anybody “self care”
Public bathroom out of soap, toilet paper, lightbulbs
Critics slam measles reboot as another nostalgia-fuelled cash grab
Editorial: Here’s why Avi Lewis is the wrong choice to lead the NDP – by a centrist Liberal
How dare Tim Houston ruin my child’s favourite summer activity: burning down the province of Nova Scotia
I’ve been silent for 21 months of genocide, but this one editorial criticizing Israel will prove I’ve always been on the right side of history
Op-Ed : “Say what you will about us, at least we never blew a 27-point lead,” by Auston Matthews
5 tips to avoid conversations with other parents at the playground
Man who wants kids unaware he will be expected to parent them
Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already
Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province
CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele
Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race
Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election
QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel
Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic
Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
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