HOLLYWOOD – In a last-minute move to boost ratings, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has added a new category, ‘Best Spider-Based Picture,’ awarded to ‘the best film featurin…
Tag: film
Man who “can’t relate” to Turning Red loves Star Wars
TORONTO – Local man Terrance Matthews has reported to his friends that he couldn’t relate to Turning Red’s main character while still deeply relating to Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. “The…
Batman has been out for a week, isn’t it time for a reboot?
Los Angeles, CA – After a very long week in theatres, there’s only one question on people’s minds, who is going to play Batman next? With the public’s ravenous appetite for reboots and reva…
Wait, what? This lesbian movie has a happy ending
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Last week, Digimagine Filmworks released their anticipated lesbian period drama, Calling The Wife. However, viewers were shocked to find out that the film actually had a hap…
Marvel announces reboot of Elephant Man
BURBANK – Marvel Studios has announced another addition to its packed 2022 schedule, a reboot of the 1980 David Lynch film The Elephant Man. The film is unusual for Marvel, not only because…
Arts editor slamming fist on desk wants ‘film reviews of Spider-Man, dammit
NEW YORK – H. Henry Harrison, the arts and film editor of the Daily Trumpeter, was heard yelling across the newsroom Thursday that he ‘needed film reviews of Spider-Man’ and he ‘needed them…
Ontario movie theatres reopen just in time for sweaty hand job season
SCARBOROUGH – Ontario is rejoicing as the province moves into stage three, seeing the return of indoor dining, casinos, and perhaps the most anticipated, movie theatres making a triumphant …
Netflix adds ‘movies set in New York but it’s obviously Toronto’ category
TORONTO – Netflix is adding a new category of films viewers can scroll through before just choosing to re-watch The Crown: movies set in New York that are obviously Toronto. “We’…
Unpromising young man reviews ‘Promising Young Woman’
LOS ANGELES – Ryan Booker, an unpromising man from Los Angeles, has finally gotten a chance to post his review of Promising Young Woman on Letterboxd. “I am very excited to share my views o…
Local man’s Donald Trump-Apocalypse Now analogy falls apart instantly
CHATHAM – Over a zoom cocktail hour with friends, local dentist Doug Nairn tried to make a complicated analogy comparing the end of the Trump Administration to the plot of the Francis Ford …