WELLAND, ON ― Feline traitor to Canada Seersucker has stubbornly refused to switch to any of several varieties of locally-sourced litter, her owner Lily Sasaki reports, opting instead to do her b…
Tag: economy
Jesus announces even he can no longer save in this economy
PARADISE, NS ― In a new testament to the widespread challenges of inflation, Jesus Christ has admitted that he is really no longer in a position to save these days. “I used to devote my life to t…
Increased prevalence of public nudity as cost of clothing surpasses fines
BURNABY, BC ― As inflation runs rampant and dress codes grow more relaxed, more people are dispensing with clothing altogether, prompting calls for public officials to increase fines for indecent…
Greedy, overpaid teacher takes second greedy, overpaid job at grocery store
No Frills, Ontario – Wealth-hoarding public school teachers across the province are starting to take second jobs after complaining that the hundreds of dollars they make per year isn’t enou…
Swifties single-handedly preventing US recession
UNITED STATES – With the US leg of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour about to end, economists are haunted because they discovered the ultimate easter egg – that Swifties has been single-handed…
Inflation’s Silver Lining? Canada’s big five banks offer whopping 0.8% savings account
TORONTO — While Canadians across the country continue to suffer the crushing effects of inflation and a drastic increase in borrowing costs, a silver lining to rising interest rates has emerged a…
Home prices still at levels experts call “Oh Fuck Me”
VANCOUVER – Despite early indications some Canadian housing markets may be cooling, benchmark home prices remain well within the threshold experts call “oh fuck me”. Whether prices will de…
