TORONTO, ON – Long time Raptors fan Dave Burkle admits to suffering unusual amounts of stress and anxiety during the Raptors historic playoff run. “I feel like I lost 3 months off my life,” said Dave ...
Liberals announce bill forcing men to use women’s bathrooms, report conservative aunts
OTTAWA – The Liberal government’s proposed law to protect transgender rights will force all men to use women’s bathrooms among many other “awful” things, report Canada’s conservative aunts. “Thi...
Public servant romantically proposes to partner in 53 slide Powerpoint presentation
OTTAWA – Local civil servant Richard Escarvage made his intentions clear towards his partner, Adrianne Voigt, yesterday in a romantically thorough and detailed Powerpoint presentation on the leg...
Hand-holding couple awarded rights to entire width of sidewalk
TORONTO – In a landmark decision, a judge has awarded ownership of the entire width of the sidewalk to new couple Kris Summers and Alex Teale. Anyone occupying sidewalk space in their vicinity w...
Fort McMurray authorities plead with Canadians to stop donating “Jack and Jill” DVDs
EDMONTON – In the wake of the last week’s fire, Fort McMurray Emergency Measures Organization and the Red Cross are asking Canadians to refrain from donating Adam Sandler’s 2011 film “Jack and J...
CBC vows to wait 4-6 weeks before even thinking of rehiring Ghomeshi
TORONTO – In the wake of sexual assault allegations against Jian Ghomeshi and his subsequent criminal trials and peace bond, the CBC has firmly avowed that they absolutely will not even consider hirin...
3 Easter Eggs you didn’t notice in Paul Martin’s official portrait
Click on the image to see three things that were hidden inside the official portrait of Canada’s 21st Prime Minister....
Russian athlete’s urine burns through testing cup
ROME — A Russian track and field’s athlete’s urine has spontaneously reacted with a testing cup during a routine drug test. The incident occurred some time after the very muscular long-jumper Vl...
Canada’s Wonderland unveils ‘Room’-themed roller coaster
Vaughan, ON – Canada’s Wonderland has revealed a new roller coaster inspired by the harrowing Oscar-nominated film Room that will make its debut at the theme park this summer. Expected to be a h...
5 must-read summer novels we shot out of a cannon
If you haven’t prepared your summer reading list yet, we’ve got you covered. We compiled a list of some of the most buzzworthy novels, then loaded them into a nineteenth-century English cannon and bla...
