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U.S.
World offers to buy U.S. special present if it doesn’t re-elect deranged fascist
NEW YORK CITY – At a special meeting of the full United Nations, the countries of the world came together and resolved to buy America a “pretty cool gift” if it chooses not to r…
American man not patriotic enough to vote in upcoming election
OTTAWA – US citizen Andrew Scheer has disappointed his fellow countrymen by refusing to participate in the upcoming US election, sources confirm. Scheer’s lack of care for the future of his…
Coney Barrett ends confirmation ceremony by accidentally deciding election for Trump 1 week early
WASHINGTON D.C. – Appearing at the White House for her swearing-in as a Supreme Court Justice, Amy Coney Barrett committed a humorous gaffe wherein she accidentally decided the upcoming US …
Hunter Biden seen creeping around bushes of Fox News viewers
AMERICA – According to multiple reports from Fox News viewers around the United States, Hunter Biden has been creeping around the bushes of several American households, and in some cases go…
Headless Mitch McConnell says there’s nothing wrong with his health
WASHINGTON – A decapitated US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says there are no concerns about his health. “Everything is fine,” said the body of McConnell speaking from his neck cav…
In honor of election Baskin-Robbins now offering only 2 flavors of shitty ice cream
WASHINGTON, DC – Ice cream chain Baskin-Robbins recently came out with 2 new flavors of shitty ice cream to honor the upcoming US election. The specialty restaurant chain, famously known fo…
Trump hoping he just gets fired so he can at least collect unemployment
WASHINGTON, DC – Recent reports have confirmed that President Donald Trump is hoping to get fired so he can at least collect unemployment. “I don’t know how much longer here I’ve got. My boss is …
GOP proves existence of election fraud by committing election fraud
LOS ANGELES – The California Republican Party has announced “smoking gun” evidence of statewide election fraud, the existence of which has been a cornerstone of GOP efforts to delegitimize …
Biden creates OnlyFans channel to capture key pervert vote
DELAWARE – Democratic party nominee Joe Biden has announced the opening of a new channel on OnlyFans in order to convey his message of national unity to the website’s army of loyal perverts. “I a…
