TORONTO – An engineer who graduated a full decade ago has discovered he still has a bit of purple paint behind his ear. Cole Sterling was just a bright-eyed and moderately drunk engineering stude…
Tech
Apple unveils single-use Macbook with zero ports
CUPERTINO — At today’s much anticipated Apple Event, Tim Cook stunned viewers by introducing their first-ever single-use Macbook, dubbed the Macbook Zero. During his Keynote address, Cook address…
Vaccine Hunters Canada pivots to searching for PS5s
NATIONWIDE – Canadian heroes Vaccine Hunters Canada have changed their twitter mission, this time in search of PlayStation 5s. “Vaccine Hunters Canada was born out of an urgent need to provide Ca…
Hero BlackBerry killed in action had one day left ‘til retirement
CALGARY – Local landscaper Peter Rugger announced today that his trusty BlackBerry device was killed in the line of duty after nearly twenty years of service and, tragically, with only one …
Local cellphone loves lying about how much battery is left
KITIMAT, BC – A cellphone owned by local Elaine Jorgensen takes great delight in deceiving its owner in how much battery power remains by shutting off at the worst time possible, regardless…
Friend group reschedules Zoom hangout for 86th week in a row
WATERLOO, ON – A local group of friends who all met working at a Second Cup in 2015 have been meaning to have a Zoom catchup since the beginning of the pandemic, and have now rescheduled fo…
Metastatic cancer worried people will start associating it with Facebook
MENLO PARK, CA – Following the announcement that the corporation which owns Facebook, Instagram and Oculus has changed its name to Meta Platforms, Inc., the process which results in cancero…
Shatner manages to have 3 torrid love affairs during 10 minute space flight
VAN HORN, TX – Despite being in space for a mere ten minutes, the man who played Captain Kirk in the 1960s version of Star Trek managed to seduce a sexy Klingon, a USS Enterprise psychologi…
New Rogers Infinite Plus deal gives unlimited data for your mortal soul
Rogers has revealed a brand new plan that gives unlimited data for low, low cost of your mortal soul. “It is but a trifle. A small thing.” says Yog Sothothery, high priest of Rogers Communication…
Cutting edge Facebook app lets you attend VR-meetings that should’ve been e-mails
MENLO PARK, CA – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has announced the release of Horizon Workrooms, an ultra-high-tech solution to the age-old problem of your boss needing to find new and expensi…