THUNDER BAY, ON – At a campaign stop on Sunday the provincial Liberal party announced what they would do if elected to govern Ontario for the next few years, pretty much all of which they c…
National
CBC renews ‘the news’ for another season
TORONTO — In spite of massive budget cuts and the cancellation of several long-running programs, including the flagship Hockey Night in Canada and George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight, the CBC recent…
Nation unsure if container in fridge contains margarine or leftovers
CANADA – Millions of Canadians who opened their fridge today looking for the margarine were unsure if the round container they found enclosed actual margarine or leftovers from past meals. …
Family spends entire long weekend stuck in traffic
TORONTO – The Warringtons of Toronto, Ontario got away from the big city over the long weekend by sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic as a family. “This was a bonding experience for us,” sa…
Hazel McCallion endorses Liberals, O’Carthy’s Immortality Serum
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Citing a lack of other credible candidates and a smooth-drinking, life-extending flavour, 93-year-old Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion has thrown her influence behind bot…
Tim Hortons celebrates 50 years of exploiting national identity for profit
HAMILTON, ON – International restaurant chain Tim Hortons is celebrating 50 years of instilling and manipulating contrived patriotic sentiment in Canadian consumers towards their brand coff…
POLL: Many would vote for Tim Hudak if he were completely different person
ONTARIO – With the Ontario election only one month away, polls are predicting a landslide victory for Tim Hudak, if he is willing to entirely change his campaign, policies, political party,…
Tories introduce ‘Three Riddles’ voting system
The Harper government has passed its controversial Noble Voters Act, which will require all potential voters to answer three riddles and “establish their virtue true” before casting a ballot. “Th…
Tim Hudak offers one million jobs for one night with your wife
NIAGARA FALLS – Progressive Conservative leader Tim Hudak is willing to give one million jobs to you if he can spend one night with your wife. The salacious proposal was made while Hudak wa…
Court upholds ban on doctor-assisted regicide
OTTAWA – In what is being called a landmark case, the Supreme court of Canada has ruled doctor-assisted regicide unlawful, a decision that could have far-reaching implications for ongoing p…
