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Canada Votes 2015
Leading physicists claim Mark Carney’s elbows are in a quantum superposition of up and down simultaneously
Mark Carney still answering question reporter asked 6 weeks ago
Carney confident government can meet spending cut goals as long as they make life a little worse for every Canadian
As part of negotiations with Trump, Carney agrees to celebrate Canada Day on July 4th
Raccoon standing still on top of garbage bin worried he’s not going to get to scare the fuck out of anyone tonight
Elder Millennial opens zip file of cherished memories
Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick
CTV announces 24 nanosecond news cycle
North York condo penthouse boasts dazzling views of absolutely nothing
TTC appeals to frustrated riders with summer contest ‘Catch That Rat!’
“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car
Latest Drake track features his Mom asking Kendrick to stop bullying her son
Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader
Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane
Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Trump demands 20% gratuity for selling Ukraine to Putin
Western World to recognize Palestine as a state in September if it’s still there
Canada: “We are prepared to issue as many empty statements as necessary to stop this genocide”
Canada signs deal with EU on defence, entry to Eurovision
The 100 names Ghislaine Maxwell named as being on the Epstein List
White House officials say Donald Trump diagnosed with chronic “Distract From Epstein Scandal-itis”
Trump tempted to release Epstein Files just to see own name in print
Breaking: can we get an article posted on Trump’s latest tariff threat before he backs down yet again?
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
Sports
Nation’s mothers hail 18-year-old tennis champion Victoria Mboko as new unattainable standard for you to live up to
Florida, Calgary win Stanley Cup Final
“Eh, fuck it”: Montreal F1 driver takes an Uber
Federal government opens distress hotline for Canadians forced to cheer for Oilers
Business
Business
A&W’s new Complicated Family Menu features Step-Mom Burger, Secret Cousin Burger
Air Canada, union reach deal, forcing travelers to fly Air Canada again
Air Canada consoles stranded passengers with pictures of their executive bonuses
As strike looms, Air Canada thrilled to have new excuse to cancel flights
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
SNL casts Canadian provided she can evade ICE at border
Canadians paralyzed by choice on what movie to watch to remember Graham Greene
Joe Rogan of the Left? This credulous dipshit is vegan
Apple TV+ spends $1 billion on the perfect film, then burns it as a tax write-off
Smelly man rebrands himself as savoury man
Tampax encourages women to channel their rage into bigger, better periods
Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car
Report: Exhausting, unfulfilling suburban life you hate is university student’s unattainable dream
“They didn’t have autism in my day,” claims man with thorough knowledge of the history of the Caledonian Railway
“I probably did something to it” says man whose back just like that now
Local car crash victim remembered as “nothing special, if we’re being honest”
Sleepiness credit non-transferable between couch and bed
How dare Tim Houston ruin my child’s favourite summer activity: burning down the province of Nova Scotia
I’ve been silent for 21 months of genocide, but this one editorial criticizing Israel will prove I’ve always been on the right side of history
Op-Ed : “Say what you will about us, at least we never blew a 27-point lead,” by Auston Matthews
The Beaverton demands same debate invitation as The Rebel, even though we’re not as big a joke
Man who wants kids unaware he will be expected to parent them
Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already
Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans
Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province
CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele
Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race
Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election
QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel
Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic
Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
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