Family Archives - The Beaverton

Gullible mother falls for voice cloning scam even though her son would obviously never call

NORVAL, ON ― A 74-year-old woman lost over $60 000 from her retirement savings yesterday in a sophisticated, but in her situation, quite obvious scam, police say. Gina Rossi was just preparing to…

Couple trying for child despite world

BURLINGTON, ON – Ignoring their shared dread, local couple Sarah and Aiden Hillson, 31, announced plans Thursday to bring a new human life into the world, despite a nagging foreboding that …

little boy sitting on dock with his back to the camera, looking at a lake surrounded by very green forest

Real life Jason Voorhees? This kid’s mom is weird

LAKE LOUISE – According to local sources, young campers are getting some seriously bad vibes from fellow camper Lucas Cohen thanks to his mollycoddling mom insisting that he stay safe. “Lucas’s m…

Elon Musk releases new baby name book, “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt”

BOCA CHICA, TEXAS – Troubled businessman and 53-year-old memelord Elon Musk has once again made headlines with a new business venture, announcing the release of his new baby name book “From…

A man sitting on a couch has his t-shirt rolled up to expose his belly, which he pointing at with a happy expression

Dad raises shirt a bit to air out belly, rub it

TORONTO – Local father Ray Teramoto has untucked his t-shirt to expose his hairy belly and rub it while watching television, according to sources familiar with the situation. “Tucking in hi…

A Father’s Day gift he’ll never forget: 7 grams of shrooms

HAMILTON, ON – In a growing trend, some Canadian dads won’t be receiving a traditional Father’s Day gift this year. Instead of tools, flannel, or mid-tier barbecue accessories, they’ll be getting…