Prime Minister Harper apologized today for the drinking that caused a young woman to be hospitalized during his son Ben’s 18th birthday party on Wednesday, explaining he would never had allowed i…
Liberal senators released from caucus so they can more effectively not do anything
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s removal of all Liberal senators from his caucus yesterday has officially freed the senators up to fully commit to their responsibilities of not really doing anythi…
Putin celebrates Nobel Peace Prize nomination by eating the hearts of his enemies
RUSSIA – Russian president Vladmir Putin’s peacekeeping efforts earned him a Nobel Prize nomination last week, prompting a presidential celebration that left six Chechnyan rebel leaders dea…
Venezuela harbours Snowden, asks if US knows it’s loco
CARACAS – The Venezuelan government welcomed the arrival and asylum of NSA-leaker Edward Snowden today, releasing a statement querying whether Americans are or are not aware that Venezuela …
90% of RCMP attempt to retire on high note immediately after BC terror arrests
VANCOUVER – In the aftermath of the successful arrest of two would-be terrorist bombers on Canada Day, the vast majority of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Force consider their careers having p…
Uncle Ben’s white rice confuses local racist
ETOBICOKE – Six weeks ago, 56-year old racist Stan Youngson became puzzled by a bag of Uncle Ben’s White Rice at a local No Frills, and has been struggling with it ever since. “I just can’t…
Ben Affleck starts new project detailing CIA’s battle at Vimy Ridge
BOSTON – Riding on the success of his Oscar-win with Argo, Ben Affleck has begun working on a new documentary detailing the heroic efforts of wartime CIA officers at France’s Vimy Ridge. “T…
Protective dad hides mirrors from ugly son
Bill Donovan is a stay-at-home accountant, a hobbyist, and a vegetarian, but it all comes second to lovingly hiding his only son from an ugly reflection. “It was hard at first, but you get used t…