RUSSIA – Russian president Vladmir Putin’s peacekeeping efforts earned him a Nobel Prize nomination last week, prompting a presidential celebration that left six Chechnyan rebel leaders dead and mutilated over the weekend.
“It’s wonderful to finally be recognized for my countless contributions to stability and peace in Russia and abroad. The nomination is indeed a great honour,” explained Putin, biting the still-beating heart of outspoken activist and demonstrator Pietr Moldova.
“What I did with the American-Syrian confrontation was only a fraction of my peacekeeping power, an olive branch strategy that I’d be happy to discuss and teach to President Obama,” he continued, pausing to stare coldly into the countless defeated eyes of imprisoned, emaciated Georgian children. “Sometimes, you catch more flies with Russian honey than inferior American vinegar.”
The group that nominated Putin, the International Academy of Spiritual Unity and Cooperation of Peoples of the World, released a statement rejoicing in his achievements, praying the Nobel Prize committee will honour the President for reasons that have nothing to do with the safety of their families.
