Caledon, Ontario –Loblaws CEO Galen Weston defended his $3 million raise this week by noting that it’s really not that much when you think of how expensive things are nowadays. “Have …
Last of Us moves filming to Vancouver; Albertans pretend they never liked it
CALGARY– In a well-known trope for residents of Canada’s most put-upon province, Albertans reacted to this week’s news that HBO’s The Last of Us is moving production to Vancouve…
Editorial: Kids today are overprotected! I died in a fire.
OLD TOWN OF YORK – Look, I’m not someone who rises from the grave easily. I’m just a normal taxpayer like anyone else. I keep my head down, visit the dying, scare cats, and I don’t get exci…
Scientist: Otters are actually just wet dogs
Kingston, ON – A senior researcher at Queen’s University claimed this week that otters don’t exist and are actually just wet dogs. “It all came to me at the cottage,” said zoologist D…
Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them
NIAGARA FALLS – While the Democrats have fared better than expected in last night’s midterm elections, Health Canada has issued a request this morning that any political refugees stil…
Study: 1 in every 25 people in PEI have Covid-19, and they are: Jim, Paula, Big Jim, and Tina’s boy Ricky
SUMMERSIDE – A Covid-19 wave has washed over Prince Edward Island, leaving one in twenty-five Islanders–or four individual people–currently Covid-positive. “For a long time, we were doing pretty …
Liz Truss resigns after long, illustrious reign of power spanning two British monarchs
LONDON – In a decision that will surely shake Britain and the power structures of the whole Western world, stalwart veteran PM Liz Truss has decided to step down from her long-held seat of power …
World’s worst small-talker asks elevator full of strangers which religion they think is the best
HALIFAX – A sales manager in your building has broken the pleasant quiet of the Monday morning elevator ride to ask a group of strangers yet another deeply inconsiderate personal question. While…
Alberta Tories excuse Danielle Smith’s ignorance of history by reminding us she is a product of the education system they built
EDMONTON – After Alberta’s Premier-designate, Danielle Smith, called unvaccinated people “the most discriminated group that I’ve ever witnessed,” members of her United Con…
Country full of people who hate Toronto gears up to root for its baseball team
TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays get ready to host the Seattle Mariners in the MLB Playoffs this weekend, the approximately 33 million Canadians who don’t live in Toronto are gettin…