TORONTO – Following reports that thousands of people have mistakenly shown up to Rogers Centre for concerts happening at Rogers Stadium, the Rogers Centre has installed brand new signs outside each gate telling patrons how to locate the Rogers Stadium.
The signage begins by welcoming visitors to the ROGERS CENTRE before immediately clarifying that it is NOT THE ROGERS STADIUM.
“If you have come here to see [insert name of musician that isn’t Taylor Swift], unfortunately you’re at the wrong venue named after ROGERS,” the sign reads. Then adding, “You’ve got to go to ROGERS STADIUM, and that’s like 20 kilometres away, or two hours in rush hour traffic.”
The sign then gives tips on how to get to the far-away place known as Rogers Stadium.
“To get there, you can always take an Uber, but if you can’t afford the trip from Rogers Centre to Rogers Stadium (because it’s surprisingly a lot of money), you can always take the subway northbound to Downsview Park. From there, it’s just another ten kilometres by foot.”
But for folks who might miss their concert, the sign ends by saying how “You’re more than welcome to come inside and see a Blue Jays game. If they don’t win, you will.”
Asked if he ever thought these signs would be necessary, Rogers Centre CEO Mark Shapiro said how he never thought people would confuse the two venues.
“I mean, come on. One is a STADIUM, and the other is a CENTRE. Duhhhhh.”
Response to the signage has been positive, with Rogers Centre staff saying how they have dramatically decreased cases of “angry metalheads yelling at them.”
While some acts who have performed at Rogers Stadium have praised the signage, others like Chris Martin of Coldplay believe all buildings named after the telecom giant should feature similar signs.
“We thought we were performing at a Rogers store,” Martin told reporters, recounting the time the band showed up at a brick-and-mortar store in Scarborough Town Centre. “It was so embarrassing. But on the plus side, one of the clerks there hooked us up with a free two-day trial for Sportsnet Plus. Which reminds me, I forgot to cancel that.”
At press time, Live Nation was reportedly considering renaming the venue to avoid future confusion, with early front runners including Scotiabank Stadium, BMO Stadium, and SkyDome.
